5 Stupid Things You Said to Her - And What You Should Have Done Instead
It doesn’t matter how old you are, you’ve most likely said something really stupid to a woman with or without meaning to at one point or another in your life. While you can’t necessarily be blamed for being a moron, you can be held accountable for hurting her feelings and being insensitive – even if you didn’t mean to be.
It’s no secret that men and women are entirely different creatures. While you may laugh off and quickly forget about a comment, she will stress about it for days, weeks, and months after you said it by fully dissecting the tone you used, the facial expressions you made, and everything else you’ve ever said that relates to it. In short, what you say to her now can and will come back to haunt you for years to come.
So shut your big mouth for two minutes to learn why women think the way that they do and what you should be doing to make life better for both of you.
Stupid thing you said to her #5:
“I don’t like that outfit” or “You aren’t going to wear that, are you?”
We know, we know; she says it to you all the time. But women are wired much differently than men. You spend thirty seconds looking for something to wear because your only real concern is that it’s clean (sometimes optional) and that it matches (almost always optional).
But she spends hours agonizing over each and every piece and accessory. She agonizes over whether the blue top accentuates her features better than the red top. And you don’t even want to know what goes on in her mind concerning her makeup and hair.
What you should have done instead #5:
Remember that the planning that went into her outfit for that occasion probably rivals the amount of effort you put into picking out your car’s stereo. If anyone questioned your decision, you’d defend it by offering exactly what features and options made that stereo the best choice.
Since she already knows that you’re a moron about women’s clothes and would never understand the reasoning behind her decision, there’s no point in defending her decision to you. It’s just outright infuriating.
If she does wear something that you absolutely hate, then you can tactfully say something about it after the fact. Tell her how much you love to see her in another kind of outfit. The positive reinforcement will net you so much more than negativity any day.
Stupid thing you said to her #4:
“She’s sexy” or “Let’s have a threesome!”
While you may not associate these two statements as being on the same tier of stupidity, when she hears them both as, “You’re not enough for me.” All you have to do in order to figure out how she may feel is to imagine her saying either one back at you. Now multiply your distaste for that times 100 and you may be getting close to how much she dislikes you at that point in time.
What you should have done instead #4:
It may seem like a chore to you sometimes, but it always pays of big in the end when you constantly assure her that she’s beautiful, sexy, smart, etc. and that she’s the only girl for you. Even when she tells you that she wants your honest opinion on how hot her friend is or how sexy you think that actress is, always play the other lady down and her up. (“She’s pretty but she doesn’t have your eyes!”) This way you can be honest and still ensure she’s happy.
Just don’t go overboard and say…
Stupid thing you said to her #3:
“I don’t deserve you.” or “You deserve better than me.”
No matter how true it may be, by telling her that she is out of your league only reinforces what she already knows about you – that’s she’s out of your league. Trust us; she already knows that she can have a far better guy than you. But apparently she sees something in you that overrides all of the bad baggage you carry. It may be your humor, your charm, or something else that almost no one else would care enough about to put up with you for.
What you should have done instead #3:
Whatever you do, don’t ever ask her what it is that keeps her with your sorry self. Making her think too much about why she’s with you will only give her an opportunity to find reasons to dump you. Women need a confident man to reassure their own insecurities, not a sniveling baby that needs their constant reassurance. Which are you?
Stupid thing you said to her #2:
“Are you on the rag?” or “Are you acting like this because of PMS?”
So she’s all flustered and pissed off about something that, in your eyes, is really no big deal. But apparently it is to her. So when she keeps ranting for what seems like hours and it’s driving you up the wall, you break out with this smooth line.
And the look you get as soon as it comes out of your mouth makes you instantly regret it. Good. Now, maybe you’ll think first. Her previous rant that could have easily been contained has now exploded into a full-blown tantrum.
What you should have done instead #2:
How about shut the hell up, for starters? Sometimes women just want to vent and have someone listen. Think about the last time you were so pissed off that you just wanted to punch something to feel better. Yeah, it’s kind of like that.
As frustrating as it may be to do sometimes, your best bet is to ask her exactly what the problem is and then (this may be incredibly difficult) shut up and listen. If it’s something you did that upset her, wait until she’s done, acknowledge your mistake, and calmly offer your plan to fix things. If she’s all bent out of shape over something else (a bitchy co-worker, her stupid best friend, she misses ‘Friends’) then all you have to do is listen without making any attempt to offer a solution and console her.
Stupid thing you said to her #1:
“Did you cum?” or “Was it good for you?”
What kind of a stupid asshole are you? If actions speak louder than words then they sure as hell scream furiously over stupid questions like that. Instead of pestering her with lame questions how about spending some time actually learning how to turn her on and do the deed so you don’t have to ask?
What you should have done instead #1:
There are different kinds of sex for different occasions. Learn what they are, the differences between them, and how to blow her mind no matter which one is appropriate at the time.
But you won’t actually go out and do that so we’ve taken the time to list a few pointers below:
First, there’s the sweet, romance-movie/Valentine’s Day sex where you need to be gentle and mushy. This is where you use a ton of foreplay, looking directly in her eyes, and whispering “sweet nothings” in her ear. Tell her she’s beautiful and make her feel like a goddess wrapped in your arms. And for God’s sake, don’t jackhammer when it comes to actually doing the deed.
Second, there’s the casual sex that happens after you both have gone out for a date, or maybe when you both decided to stay in for the night watching movies. Basically, it’s anything that falls in between “sweet sex” and “hardcore, porno-like” sex. Foreplay is required here, but you don’t have to make a huge deal out of it. Just remember to fondle above the clothes for at least a few minutes before you dive for the goods. Jackhammer sparingly and only when appropriate.
Finally, there’s the hardcore, porno-like sex. Whether it’s a quickie on your lunch break or sex after a fight, this sex involves dirty talk and the removal of all clothing is optional. Jackhammering here is pretty much par for the course.
Popularity: 18% [?]
wow… this is one of the reasons I find myself becoming more and more sexist each year. If your with a woman who is intelligent I find a lot of those things become smaller and smaller concerns. Something to do with her being able to think logically.
Sometimes I think I hate stupid women, then I remember that my own sex has just as many stupid and useless assholes.
What a condescending piece of pseudo writing. Dangerous fluff for those too stupid not to listen. Her dress is like yer car stereo. Yee haw.
Wow, this is probably the stupidest thing i’ve read all day.
And some people wonder exactly why it is, that I am gay.
Because sadly, there ARE a lot of women like that. I like having someone I can go “You know, your ass does look big in those jeans. Let me get a handful of that!” to.
thats weird, every word sounded like a whip cracking over and over again
Have you guys ever had a girlfriend? No matter how rational a woman might be, she’s still freaking human. People aren’t robots, and don’t always follow the most logical route. Come on. This isn’t actually bad.
Hey guys wanna hear a joke?
…
Women’s rights!
–Never gets old, quitcha bitchin and back to the kitchen!
The article wrote:
——
But she spends hours agonizing over each and every piece and accessory. She agonizes over whether the blue top accentuates her features better than the red top. And you don’t even want to know what goes on in her mind concerning her makeup and hair.
——
Hah, “I don’t like that outfit” is the least of what I would be saying/thinking about someone like this. How about “You dumb bitch, why don’t you spend your time and energy doing something constructive? There are starving kinds in Zimbabwe and kids getting shot by US soldiers in Iraq and all you can think about is spending 2 hours on your stupid hair? Why am I going out with you again?”
Guys who follow advice like this article just get whipped more and more intensely as the relationship goes on, until she decides he’s too much of a wuss and dumps him for a lumberjack. Or occasionally she decides to marry him so she can exploit him while sleeping with studs on the side, and he is condemned to a life of being nagged.
So, as a guy, why would I follow this advice, again?
This is the most sexist, and idiotic piece of misguided ill-informed trash I’ve ever read… You would have to a) damn near retarded b) sexist beyond all reason c) a self loathing male to believe any of this crap. This as offense to men as to women… “Think about the last time you were so pissed off that you just wanted to punch something to feel better…” yeah cause thats what rational men do when they are angry… punch stuff… I hope whomever wrote this article is flogged by an flock of Amazonian Ultrawomen for his unabashedly sexist point of view, and then sexually assaulted by an Army of Welsh soccer hooligans for his blatent idiocy
Bitter, passive-aggressive nerds with little social experience love to tell everybody else to interact with each other. This article sucks.
These are more often true than not. Which makes me ask myself why we men put up with this crap.
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Jackhammering 4 life!
Because if you don’t you’ll always be alone?
How ’bout this one: I hug my husband and tell him, “Darlin’ I love you so much!” He immediately tells me, “Hey…uh, I got a subscription to Playboy…” SOOOO STOOOOOPID!
Every living creature dies alone.
yes the diving in, fumbling about, finishing off and then NOT asking her if it was good will really work out fine. “how about spending some time actually learning how to turn her on” without asking her how it its going for her… pity the article makes no mention of how to actually do that, esp if your girl is on the shy side.
This shit is fucking obvious. Any person who says “let’s have a threesome” needs a bullet to the fucking head.
The only thing missing from the list is “can I put it in your butt?”
Grimace said:
“The only thing missing from the list is “can I put it in your butt?”
What, you’re going to stick it in without asking? That sort of stuff will get you slapped . . . or much much worse.
I can’t believe that you have the audacity to publish something like this. Do you really think that men are this stupid? Nobody ever says things like these outside the movies first of all… and if someone’s ever said any of them to you… you date retards.
Don’t make assumptions that all guys are clueless when it comes to females. Guys may stay stupid shit to women now and then, but women do it too. How about… “Honey, lets spend some time together.” while I’m trying to watch the football game. There’s something that no guy wants to hear… but you all say it right?
How about you hop down off your little pedestal and stfu.
(a) I have stuck it in without asking, and she loved it.
(b) Some girls like threesomes. If you are too much of a wuss to ask, how are you ever going to find one?
who da fuck does this bitch think she is? I swear, if i ever come in contact with a bitch like this in public, please remind me to bitch slap the fuck out of her.
5 ways to be gay and feminine. Someone change the title please.
People do not talk like this! This article completely blows my friggin’ mind! It makes a lot of outdated assumptions about the personalities of both sexes. I’ve seen these made up “situations” written about frequently, and they’re as unrealistic here as they were when I read them in Cosmo.
Subjects like this require a much lighter touch, or you’ll see lots of comments in this vein. Why not interview couples and try to come up with an actual situation and how they came to deal with it than slap something so crappy and unoriginal together?
And, seriously, “cum”? It’s come.
Dear author, please explain what kind of good skills I can develop to score chicks.
420 diggs = 420 pussies
What a bunch of garbage.
If she’s so concerned with the size of her ass she should hit the freaking gym. This is so funny…they want us to lie about it…Hahah!
There are 2 rules:
1) Stop caring what she thinks. Be happy.
2) What Rule 1 said.
why fat chicks suck.
like the leader fish and the shark, alcohol and the fat chick share a similar symbiotic relationship. the leader fish lies nestled among rows of serrated teeth, confident in the fact that the shark will not so much as touch the fish with one of its deadly fangs because they are codependent. there is an unspoken relationship between the two that says clean my teeth, and i won’t eat you. they both get what they want. the shark, after indulging itself on a whale, or fish allows the leader to pick the remnants of it’s unlucky prey from its teeth, cleansing its mouth and gums, like a colgate-scope one two punch. So anyway, to the shark, the leader fish is it’s mouthwash, and to the leader fish, the shark is its commissary, providing meals day in and day out. its a symbiotic relationship, and just like a fat chick is dependent on alcohol, so is a shark on its leader fish.
Maybe something less metaphorical and more allegorical would work better in this situation, but i think i can defend myself here. Everyone knows that there isn’t a girl in the world, a fat girl, that would be getting any ass without booze; it’s just not possible. there are so many girls out there, and so many that either aren’t fat, or are sluts, that no guy needs to sleigh a fat chick, there’s just no reason to. But, and its a big but (and should also be spelled with two t’s), and any Irish guy will contest to it: alcohol fucks with your shit (Irish chicks are ugly, so why do you think the potato famine occurred? they had to turn all their food to booze in order to feel ok about fucking those fat ugly bitches, but the history books won’t tell you that).
its a self fulfilling prophecy; as long as there is booze there will be fat chicks. they’re still getting laid so they don’t see the need to drop the last couple of eighty pounds. Honestly what is easier? Sweating your ass off at the gym and dieting, or fucking the guy at the bar who can barely see? And yes it’s a given that once in a while you’ll have to take a load to the face, but isn’t it worth it not to have to bust your ass? Now I’m not saying that I agree with this whole theology, but i understand.
However, what I fail to understand is how and why America is perceived as the fattest nation because of what we eat, and I understand that without knowledge of the fat chick-drunk guy theory, one could easily be duped into believing this myth. A nation homegrown into a fast food nation, because it isn’t, and we are not. We are a fat nation because we drink, and not because of the empty caloric intake, but solely on the fat chick-drunk guy symbiotic relationship. Sure fat bitch eats her biggie McDicken Chicken, but thats because she knows there’s gonna be some drunk ass hole who will fuck her, and though it might be the guy she’s giving her order to, at least she’s getting ass, and thats all she needs to encourage her eating habits. No one fucks a bitch, the bitch will do whatever it takes to drop into a manageable weight class, it’s a fact and a science.
My buddy just got back from marine boot camp which is completely commendable, but his actions upon returning home are far from acceptable. He loves to drink (as do i), and he’s irish, which if you’ve been reading my shit, is like, a bad combo (especially because he defends his actions even when he’s sober because he’s tapped so many kegs (fat chicks) that he cannot even deny that its his fetish). So anyway, this girl he’s been entertaining just gets bigger and bigger. And I try to explain to him that she will continue to grow like one of those slimy frog sponges that you put into a bowl of water and a week later it’s quadrupled in size. And not only that I feel like every time i see her, which, following the chain of events, has been quite frequently (irish, drinking, fat chicks, her), she seems to get taller. and sure she’s only nineteen or twenty so she could still be growing (not really), but i have a very strong belief that she’s just getting so fat, like every day, that the fat is building up in her feet; on the soles of her feet, projecting her upwards. And I think that’s pretty possible because all girls are different, and they all store weight differently from one girl to the next. One girl gets a big ole butt, one gets love handles, one gets a belly, and the luckiest of all gets some big o’ chest hams. So why is it so wild to think that she might be storing the fat on the bottoms of her feet? Maybe it’s a common thing, and could be the answer to why so many girls wear ugg boots: got to hide that feet fat.
So its not McDonalds who we should be blaming for all the fat chicks in our country, its seagrams and captain morgan. keep that in mind, especially when you’re drunk, and give that fat chick sitting at the bar, looking like a scoop of ice cream poised atop the cone like stool, an incentive to hit the gym. Don’t talk to her; because you’re drunk, you’re irish, and you’ll fuck anything that claims to have a vagina (even if it means rolling up a few belly jellies to find it).
the article was written by a chick. fellow bros, the advise i give you is to play it by ear and try to remain neutral with women until you know them a little better. then you can get away with saying things like, “do you want to ask her about a 3-some or should i?”
if a guy wrote it, i would either check for slash marks on his back or question where his manhood went.
i am not a moron about womans clothes! i know what guys like on a girl because i am guy. if anyone would know what guys find attractive it would be a guy, not a girl. in other words, who is she really trying to be impress/be attractive to, guys or girls. if she is straight and answers [that she wants to be attractive to] guys, then she should value our opinion.
Sorry but, YAWN … These kind of lists are done over and over, I really thought there would be some insights here but it was not to be
i thin men won’t do this stupid mistakes
You guys never had a girl friend I bet, or have a temp gf because nobody will hang out with you.
Women are different from men in all levels. If you are not having time to discover why and how they behave you can forget having a peaceful life.
nice observations ..
very true ..
i think i’ve dont almost all of that !
I dont say u are a guru on things ,and i may not take
the advice ..
but u are a good observer! fro sure
i have a girlfirend and i think its all true, your just a chick who cant belive this is true. that or u have big boobs and your BF keeps forgeting about your bitchyness
Hi hate when I see articles talking about how women should be threated, how they’re (supposedly) superior and must be discovered and all these other things who only serve to cherish even more some women’s already inflated ego.
If those dumb women could only see beyond their own bellybuton they would find nice men ready and able to take a serious relationship. Those men are becoming rarer and rarer because of the women’s ever-growing overreliant behavior.
I’d rather be alone instead of getting a trophy girlfriend/wife and having to fake my feelings, lie, twist my words and adapt my speak so the “trophy” doesn’t get upset. Too much of a hassle for so little reward.
I hope someday I’ll find a woman I’ll be able to tell the truth every time and get a sane response, instead of living in a distressing cat-and-mouse game.
:/
I am so sick of reading sexist articles. It’s ’special treatment’ like this that nurtures sexual inequality and ultimately fosters disdain for women.
The worst part about it is that some poor guy will read this bullshit and take it to heart, miserably suppressing his natural expression and opinions right up until the divorce.
wow, the comments amaze me. Way to try to prove to the world that all men a secretly insensitive pigs at heart. I’d be amused to find out how many of you posting your ‘whipped’ comments are actually under 18 or if over 18, chronically alone. Poor lonely piggies.
Number 3 is very enlightening
I’ll have to agree with — hmm, EVERYONE? — and note that this is some stupid bullshit.
If you never ask your girl about a threesome, as this purpoted advice suggests, how the hell are you going to get one?
Perhaps one is to hope that after not insulting her outfit for a few months, she’ll bring it up on her own?
Ahh, yes, on the other hand perhaps this is a dumbed down list for those actually stupid enough to tell their girlfriends that their outfits look like crap. In those cases, yeah, I suppose a threesome is a bit out of reach.
This article IS very condescending to men.
Yes, some men just don’t get it when it comes to women. Yet, it doesn’t solve anything to put them down and give them shitty and not thought-out advice on what to do instead. There are a lot of men that DO get it, however. If women want the men that don’t get it to change, stop putting down ALL men and feeding them horse shit, because it’s shit like this article that really doesn’t solve anything at all.
And please, put your frustrations aside when you write an advice article. Don’t disguise your rant on your pet peeves with men as advice.
This article gets a big fuck you, from me.
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If you treat a woman with respect, she will lose interest in you.
I do all said bad things to my gf, and she still loves me with all her heart, your just picky and spoilt like a lot of new cosmopolitin women reading those ego mags, get over yourself ye trollop. Im sure there is guys articles like this around you can respond to the same way for example just shut the fuck up cook a steak and give him a blowjob just substitute what i called you with male chauvinist pig, which in this case you are the sexual opposite of.
This is great advice for men dating the average insecure controlling bitch.
Men- if this advice works in your relationship, DTMFA.
anon, i hope you die.
Well to the Neanderthals above It’s bad advice because if they were fully human the advice wouldn’t have to be given- they’d know it already. Yes there’s sex that’s not civilized and many people like it because it takes no thought and requires no human empathy and it’s all about their pleasure personally- what the other person gets from it is secondary or not even in the running. I imagine London street whores from Jack the Rippers’ time got a lot of such sex.
“5 really really bad romantic comedy plots, and the 5 ways to get your ass dumped immediately for being a pussy whipped loser who knows nothing about real women”
THIS CRAP WAS FOR SURE WRITTEN BY A WOMAN!
i laughed at this.
Wow…
I’m a girl and I still think this is crap. You must be some crazy stereotyping sexist to make such insane assumptions about both women and men. Most of this junk is wrong, and the rest is obvious.