Douchebag Syndrome Causes, Symptoms, And Treatment
Millions of men worldwide have been infected with douchebag syndrome. Let this page serve as your wealth of knowledge about douchebag syndrome, because while there is a lot of information about this disease, cures are sparse. Often times, people end up resorting to violence when desperately trying to cure douchebag syndrome, which isn’t the necessary solution at all. You must treat douchebags with care, for their emotions are fragile; like that of a little boy naturally born a tranny who can’t decide which gender to classify himself under.
Where and how did douchebag syndrome originate?
Just like the HIV/AIDS virus, there isn’t a definite answer as to where and how douchebag syndrome originated, but there are a lot of conspiracy theories. Some claim that guidos are responsible for the spread of this disease, others claim that eurotrash is what started all of this; some even believe that Al Gore went into the internets, had sex with manbearpig, and a douchebag was born. Regardless of the many theories, this disease is out there; we must deal with it no matter where and how it originated.
Who’s at risk:
- All males are at risk, but studies have shown that males have the highest risk of developing douchebag syndrome during high school and college.
- Males that are easily influenced by others
- Insecure males that feel like they have something to prove
- Males living in New Jersey, New York, the dreaded Long Island, or California.
- Weak-hearted males who have a low self-worth; these are the males that end up being one of many douchebags in a group of ‘bags because they can’t stand on their own two feet by themselves.
- Zoolander (awesome movie)
- Other douchebags
- Bad parenting
Early symptoms of douchebag syndrome:
- Excessive swearing and use of words like bro and broskie
- Excessive use of the word ladies (see Demetri Martin 1:49)
- Excessive use of bad cologne
- Trying way too hard
- Pouty lips
- Insecurity deep down inside
- Excessive use of wifebeaters, tight t-shirts, and lame Euro fashion.
- Acting tough and trying too hard only when other douchebags are around
- Wearing eye liner and makeup while acting tough simultaneously; the two don’t mix.
- Calling females that don’t want to hook up with them sluts, skanks, and whores.
Late symptoms of douchebag syndrome:
- Douchebag may become flammable from excessive use of bad cologne
- Oompa-Loompa tans (example 1, example 2, example 3)
- Steroid and HGH use
- Tribal tattoos
- THAT guy
- Gender confusion
Can females get douchebag syndrome?
Yes, douchebag syndrome in females is called princess syndrome.
Stages of Douchebag Syndrome
Early Stages of Douchebag Syndrome
High School and College Douchebags
High school and college is almost always the starting point of douchebag syndrome in males. Douchebag syndrome in high school and college is often the starting point of this disease in males because most males are still insecure, easily influenced, and don’t know what it’s like to be men. Douchebag syndrome is most easily reversed during this stage because males are still fairly inexperienced in life and willing to take advice even though they might not show the willingness to take it.
Advanced Stages of Douchebag Syndrome
American Gladiator Malibu and Tom Cruise
This is the stage where douchebag syndrome transforms douchebags into THAT guy. The guy that embarasses himself so badly in front of everyone that he makes everyone feel embarrassed themselves. The guy that tries to push everyone into living the same way as him because he thinks that’s the best way to live (Tom Cruise and Scientology) and doesn’t take other peoples feelings and thoughts into consideration. The guy that doesn’t keep his mouth shut when it should be shut; the guy that just doesn’t get it. It’s very hard to get rid of douchebag syndrome at this stage, mostly because douchebags are so into themselves at this point that they actually become self-brainwashed.
Irreversible Stages of Douchebag Syndrome
Legendary Status Douchebags
Douchebags honored with the legendary status are the O.D’.s (like O.G.’s) of the douchebag world. These douchebags earn this status after douching it up for decades upon decades. At this point, douchebags actually start being looked at as pimps. This status is the highest honor you can get in the douchebag world, it’s like a shield against all criticism; how can you make fun of a 50+ year old man that’s hanging out with females more than half his age?
- Look douchebags in the eyes. Almost all douchebags are big cowards who can’t look anyone in the eyes. Douchebags know that all they do is just an act; douchebags are so ridiculous that deep down inside even they can’t take themselves seriously. Looking douchebags in the eyes works because it reminds them that people know what type of person they really are and it isn’t a forceful reality check like trying to change them.
- Ignore them. Douchebags are like females with princess syndrome; they both feel like they have something to prove. The more you ignore them, the more they’ll try to impress you. After a while, douchebags will put you on a pedestal and start realizing that you’re the type of person they should be aiming to be. Ignoring them reminds them that you’re above them and reinforces their thoughts of low self-worth, douchebags then reality check themselves and aim for improvement.
- Don’t try to change them. Douchebags are insecure, the more you try to change them the more insecure they’ll get, the more insecure they get the bigger the douchebag they become; you’ll just be adding fuel to the fire. To change, douchebags have to do it themselves; you can’t push your own reality into someone else, especially that someone being a douchebag.
Looking back at everything that’s written and shown here, I think we’ve all come to the conclusion that douchebags are extremely lame and chicks dig them. Seriously, not all chicks, but the slutty princess syndrome ones that will give it up to you without a second thought do. You’ve witnessed this tragedy yourself, even the pictures in this post prove it. You’re probably thinking about how this isn’t so bad, because who wants to be with an annoying slut anyway? The truth is, more and more girls are being infected with princess syndrome everyday. At the rate we’re going, by 2012 it will be impossible to find a likable person to have a relationship with. All in all, douchebag syndrome and princess syndrome is truly a match made in heaven.
Still need help spotting douchebags? Check out our gallery below for reference.