How To Make Sense Of A Woman’s Mixed Signals
When you’ve been on the hunt (meeting women) for awhile, you’ll notice a general rule of thumb: girls never say exactly what they’re thinking. Who knows why? Maybe their emotions get in the way. Maybe they’re just cowards who can’t stand the thought of actually being upfront with their thoughts. In any case, they’re rarely clear.
They either use word puzzles or they send strange signals that they expect you to somehow pick up. Either way, they can be as confusing as hell. But, if you want to be successful with women, it’s your job to cut your way through this jungle. So, get out your machete and let’s get to work.
From Out Of The Blue…
Have you ever been working on a girl where things looked promising only to have her flake on you or give you the cold shoulder? Talk about mixed signals, right? Most guys beat themselves up over it and spend valuable time thinking about it. But, you should do the opposite.
First, write that girl off. Don’t chase her like other guys do. It’s a waste of time. If you chase her and eventually land her, chances are she’ll be too high-maintenance to deal with. Besides, there are easier targets out there. Don’t make the hunt harder than it needs to be.
Here’s something else that’s interesting. When you stop chasing the flake and write her off, she’ll often come looking for you. High-maintenance flakes are usually starved for attention. If you don’t lavish it on them, they’ll often come begging for it.
Behind The Gentle Let-Down
Here’s something that always makes me chuckle. A girl tells a guy she “wants a little space” or “she needs to take some time off.” Just in case you don’t speak womanese, let me spell it out for you. She thinks you’re boring, you’re a putz and she’d rather swim in more exciting waters. That’s the Gentle Let-Down.
Yeah, she should come right out and say it. But, remember, girls have their own strange language. Also, some men (and I use that term loosely here) actually put the girl in the position of wanting to spare his feelings. How the hell did THAT happen?! What a tragedy.
First, learn to speak womanese. More importantly, learn how to sustain the spark and attraction that landed the girl in the first place. If she’s ready to move on and you’re not, you haven’t done your job very well.
Speaking The Language
Women are going to continue to send mixed signals to guys. They always have and they always will. You can try to train it out of them (good luck). Or, you can learn the language and when to use it to your advantage. Sometimes, success with girls means being upfront, clear and leaving nothing for them to question. Other times, you can use words to send your own signals and plant seeds in their heads. Try it. You may be surprised by the fruit it bears.
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…Obviously written by a guy.
As a girl, ‘I need a little space’ translates as, ‘I have raging PMS and want to hide under my duvet with a hot pad and a pint of chocolate icecream to plot the demise of all mankind.’ If you come back in a week I’ll want sex.
And don’t do the ’send your own signals’ thing… it’s probrably what inspired the previously promising girl to flake off or give you the cold shoulder. The signal I would get would be ‘This guy is not interested enough in me to ask me why I’m giving him the cold shoulder. Therefore he is not interested in me as an individual at all. Just wants sex.’ I would write you off.
If you think you are getting mixed signals, say so. Most girls respect and value honesty. It’s perfectly okay something like ‘I’m getting mixed signals here - I thought we had something going, and now you’re giving me the cold shoulder. Please tell me why?’
The main reason girls give mixed signals is because a lot of guys are dishonest. They pretend they are interested in a girl, or that they want a relationship, when they are truly only after sex and bragging rights.
No girl wants to be seen as ‘easy’, because that still means slut. A girl wants to know that a guy respects her, and likes her as an individual, not an interchangable sex-partner.
Be straightforward. Don’t play games. Give sincere complements, and show the girl in your life that you value her for who she is. Be honest and open, and ask for the same in return.
Simple translation of what a woman means:
‘Does my butt look big in this?’ = ‘I’m feeling insecure because I’m not a size 0 with fake boobs like the models in that magazine you were reading. Just tell me you love me and you think I’m sexy.’
‘Is this dress/these pants too tight?’ = ‘I’ve put on weight. Do you still find me attractive?’ Correct response: is either, ‘No, you look great.’ or ‘That other dress/pair of trousers looks much better on you.’ Just pick something she wore recently.
‘Fine.’ said at the end of the argument. = ‘I still disagree with you, but I don’t want to argue anymore. And I’m upset now, because I hate when we’re mad at each other. Do you still love me?’ Correct response: Hug her and say: ‘Even when we fight, I’m totally in love with you.’ This may result in sex.
‘Do you love me?’ = ‘You don’t say “I love you” first, or often enough. Do you love me, or do you just want sex? I’m feeling vulnerable, like maybe I love you more than you love me, and I’m scared of getting hurt, or being used.’ Correct response if you don’t love her: ‘I really care about you, and I value our relationship, but I’m not in love with you.’ If you do love her: ‘I love you, even when I forget to say the words.’ And make sure you say them more often in future.
Maybe the first question from either side should be ‘Why?’, followed by listening.
misogyny, anyone? Sheesh!